If you are worrying about the future of your relationship, you are not alone. Lasting relationships are challenging, and even couples who seem completely content on the outside sometimes also experience periods of conflict, disconnection or uncertainty. We all come from different backgrounds and family structures, which inform the ways we communicate and form relationships throughout our lives. During out childhoods, we develop attachment patterns, some of which may be unhealthy or destructive and can play out in our adult relationships.
You and your partner each learned different ways of connecting and communicating, and at times, it is likely that your patterns clash or collide. For example, if your parents weren’t around a lot, you may often feel lonely, but unsure of how to reach out and ask for the care that you need. Perhaps you are looking to your partner to fulfill your need for nurturing and guidance without taking your partner’s own patterns and needs into account. This is not your fault or your partner’s fault. You both may be replaying your past experiences in your current relationship, even in unconscious or subtle ways. This replaying often makes people feel struck, frustrated and helpless. The good news is that with help and support, you and your partner can become more aware of your unique attachment patterns and learn to communicate with greater clarity, compassion and care.
Couples Therapy Can Help You and Your Partner Create a Secure and Satisfying Relationship
With a willingness to engage in self-exploration and practice new methods of communication, you and your partner can heal the negative patterns in your relationship and rebuild safety, trust and intimacy. At Discovery & Wellness Counseling, we utilize emotionally focused therapy (EFT), which, according to clinical research, improves 90 percent of relationships. Rather than focusing on behavioral changes, your experienced and compassionate couples therapist can help you learn to connect with yourself and others in deep, profound ways. Together, you can get to the root of the destructive patterns that are in your way. Couples therapy offers you and your partner the opportunity to learn what your needs are, practice communicating and develop a truly safe, supportive and nurturing relationship.
In sessions, you and your partner can learn how to express your deep needs and explore your raw, most vulnerable selves. You can learn to trust that your partner will understand you and truly hear what and how you are trying to communicate, just as you hear him or her. Your therapist can help you both feel as comfortable and secure so that you can feel engaged with the present moment. Your therapist can also respond to your needs and help you break through blockages in the moment and offer compassionate guidance so that you can make the connections between your present experiences and lingering messages from your childhood. You don’t have to feel stuck or held back by your past.
No matter how difficult or impossible things may seem right now, there is hope. Sustaining a healthy long-term relationship can be challenging, but if you and your partner willingly engage in the therapy process, invest your time and energy and are able to turn over every stone, couples therapy can be incredibly rewarding. Couples therapy can help you and your partner feely deeply connected, close and heard. As you strengthen your emotional bonds, you can journey from brokenness to restoration and allow your relationship to thrive. While you cannot prevent all future conflict and disagreement, by cultivating an active awareness of your individual attachment patterns, you and your partner can develop new solutions and navigate discord, disconnection and emotional and physical issues in healthy, respectful and productive ways. You can work together to create healing and restore intimacy and love.
You may believe that couples therapy or marriage counseling can help you and your partner heal, but still have questions or concerns...
I am afraid that if we go to couples therapy, we will decide to break up.
At Discovery & Wellness Counseling, we use EFT, an evidence-based model of couples therapy, which has been tried and proven to be effective for 90 percent of couples. If you believe in your relationship and the importance of keeping your family together, you owe it to yourself to try. Counseling can offer you and your partner a respectful, compassionate and safe space to communicate your needs, values and desires and create healing in your relationship.
I am ashamed of talking about the problems in my relationship.
We work with many Christian couples who struggle with guilt, shame and embarrassment when facing a betrayal, a breach in trust or something else that shatters their expectations for their relationship. However, by talking about the things that are uncomfortable, you take away their power to make you feel afraid or broken. Although it may feel difficult at first, discussing your relationship issues with a compassionate, non-judgmental therapist who understands Christian values can lead to peace, understanding, acceptance and resolution.
My partner won’t come.
We have a great deal of success working with individuals who are experiencing relationship issues. If you are willing to try something different and learn about yourself – from your attachment patterns to your emotional triggers – your personal growth can impact your relationship as a whole. In couples therapy, you can also learn to let go of feeling of guilt and stop feeling responsible for your partner’s own internal challenges. By developing greater self-acceptance and facing your own negative cycles of behavior, you can change your relationship dynamic for the better and inspire your partner to make changes as well.
At Discovery & Wellness Counseling, we believe in the importance of loving, committed relationships. Couples therapy can help you and your partner rebuild the relationship you long for.